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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23577973">Kinship</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/floof/pseuds/floof'>floof</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sastiel Love Week 2020 Fics [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Magda Peterson Lives, fuck you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:42:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23577973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/floof/pseuds/floof</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A look in on a little family that might've, could've, should've been. </p><p>For the prompts: Episode Coda/or One Thing You'd Change, Sastiel Love Week 2020</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sastiel Love Week 2020 Fics [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691722</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Sastiel Love Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kinship</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My Beta continues to be the best, ilu Star</p><p>This is probably my favorite of the fics I wrote for this week, tbqh</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts out as a deep longing, with bits of unintentional mental prayer now and again. The brothers have long since learned to be careful when praying aloud, and even then there's not much Castiel can do now, not with his wings the way they are.</p><p>No more flying to their sides the instant they call.</p><p>He's stronger with his grace back, but he doubts he'll ever be what he once was. It's not that much of a hardship, so long as he can still be of service to the world, to the humans he loves. To one human in particular, though Sam rarely asks for help for himself. </p><p>No matter how much Castiel wishes otherwise.</p><p>So Castiel tunes it out at first. Sam has his number, and has called him in the past. Not... lately. Not since... Lucifer.</p><p>He must admit he's not sure where the two of them stand. They'd fallen into something, as he understands; something more than friendship, more than brotherhood. Love, yes, but they have always loved each other.</p><p>Kisses stolen, here and there. Nights together, when Castiel was weak in body and Sam in spirit. The two of them, learning to be one when they were once three.</p><p>Not exclusive, not really even a... couple. Though Castiel finds himself fantasizing about the idea in his weaker moments.</p><p>Less lately, now that he has to right his wrongs. It's another connection to Sam, he supposes. They've both had Lucifer inside them, both set him free at separate times; both know him in a way others could only dream of.</p><p>Though Castiel knows Lucifer was far kinder to himself than Sam. Maybe that's why, among other reasons, what they once had, their tentative future together; is gone.</p><p>No matter how much Castiel wishes otherwise.</p><p>Then comes the phone call. Deep, deep longing fills Castiels senses for hours before it comes, and he knows the source, checks his phone, licks his lips as he considers calling Sam himself. This is unbearable, and even if Sam never wants Castiel in his bed again, they're still friends. Brothers in arms.</p><p>They are, aren't they? Sam's had much reason to lose his faith, they both have, but Sam has believed in Castiel during his lowest points.</p><p>That has to mean something.</p><p>He has his phone in his hand, fingers held above Sam's contact information when it rings.</p><p>“Sam?!” Castiel answers, frantic with worry. “What's wrong?”</p><p>“Hey Cas.” Sam sounds breathless, worried, downright <b>scared</b>. A different sort of troubled than Castiel is used to. “I... look, it's hard to explain, but can you come to the bunker when you've got a moment? I... I might've bitten off more than I can chew here, and... fuck, I need you, Cas.”</p><p>“I'll be there as soon as I can.”</p><p>~</p><p>It takes him a day and a half to reach the bunker, stopping only for gas.</p><p>“I don't understand. You've taken in a child?” Castiel tilts his head to the side, studying Sam. “Isn't the standard procedure to send wayward female children to your friend in Sioux Falls?”</p><p>“It'd be easier, but we can't dump all our problems on Jody.” Sam offers him a sad grin, runs his hands through his hair. Castiel finds himself envying those hands. “That and it's... complicated... she's got an Aunt in California, but...”</p><p>“But?” He pauses a moment, searching Sam's eyes. “If she has relatives, wouldn't it be better for her to be with them?”</p><p>“I know that, Cas.” Sam sighs. “But she asked for me. She was on her way there, when she got scared, sensing hostile thoughts, and she called me. I told her she could call me whenever she needed me, and. I've failed a lot of people. I couldn't fail this one.”</p><p>There's something unsaid there, something personal Castiel longs to understand. He's been with Sam for years, even before they were intimate, but sometimes he feels as if doesn't know him at all. </p><p>He wants to point out all the people Sam's saved. Including himself. Sam won't listen, so he can only press on.</p><p>“You feel responsible. A kinship?” When Sam doesn't answer, he continues, shaking his head. “I'm not sure I'll be of much assistance. I failed miserably with Claire Novak, and I had promised to keep her protected.”</p><p>“She thought she was the devil. Fuck, Cas, she was <b>told</b> she was for years.” Sam takes another deep breath, and Castiel knows anger is rolling hot just behind his walls. “I know we're – weird right now, but – I need help.”</p><p>“...Ah. Yes. I see why you called me.”</p><p>“...It's not just that.” Sam steps forward, wraps his arms around Castiel. Pats his back, once, twice, then steps away, searches his eyes. Pauses, leans forward and gives him a gentle kiss. </p><p>“Sam... you don't have to-” To what? Take him back? He's been on earth, among humans for years now, and he still struggles so much. </p><p>“I know, but. I can't do this alone – I'm not sure how good I'll be, she's mostly raised anyway, and I'm not asking you to be her other parent, but –”</p><p>It's Castiel who leans forward this time, lips pressing against Sam's.</p><p>“Then I won't be. I'll … be here, for you, instead.” Castiel reaches out to take Sam's hand. “However you will have me.”</p><p>~</p><p>It becomes clearer when Castiel meets the girl. She's frail, and very fair skinned from being confined for a long period. She trembles now and again, looking around as if nothing she sees is real. </p><p>Castiel aches to help her. She's younger than Claire was when he finally 'manned up' and tried to keep the promise he had made years ago then tossed aside like it was garbage. Like Jimmy Novak, was garbage. He'll never make up for that, he knows.</p><p>There's no time for those thoughts. Not now. </p><p>She's Fifteen, sixteen at most. He wants to search her mind to be sure, when he feels the faintest brush against his grace. Searching, curious, scared. He looks at her with wide eyes, more things Sam hadn't said clicking into place.</p><p>“You're psychic.” He hadn't thought Sam was being literal when he said she'd sensed hostile thoughts.</p><p>“I can't feel your mind.” She shakes, scared, then does a curious thing. She's known Sam for all of a few days and yet she reaches out for him, takes his arm, hides behind him. </p><p>Sam appears almost as lost as she.</p><p>“Magda, this is... a family friend. No, he's more than that, he's... well, he's Cas.” Sam smiles as if that explains everything. “I trust him, and if Dean or I are ever not here, you can call him for help.”</p><p>“I am an angel of the lord.”</p><p>“Prove it.” Magda surprises him then, something fierce peaking out from behind her deep, deep wounds. Mental and physical, he can tell. She's done believing in blind faith, and her eyes are hard as she grips Sam's arm tighter.</p><p>“Alright.” Castiel shrugs his shoulders, considers calling forth the remainder of his wings, pathetic as they are, but he stops. If she believed she was the devil for years, then perhaps shadows of tattered long gone glory aren't what will help her.</p><p>Instead, he hold out a hand and places it on her shoulder, his grace overflowing. He guides it along her many hurts, her scars, deep and long and filled with so much pain. Soul deep without ever being to hell. </p><p>No, this girl is not the devil. Lucifer could never be this pure. Not anymore. </p><p>She stares at him when he's finished, and he offers her a small smile. Something warms inside of him as she smiles back.</p><p>Castiel meets Sams eyes above her head, and he's warmed even more at the wonder, the gratitude he finds there. The love.</p><p>It's a quiet, mental prayer, but Castiel hears it all the same. </p><p><i>Thank you, Castiel</i> Sam runs his free hand over Magda's back, and the two of them are talking quietly, but Castiel only focuses on this wondrous gift he's being offered. <i>Thank you, so much.</i></p><p>~</p><p>Castiel stays a few more days before guilt begins to call him to the road once more. He doesn't want to, doesn't want to leave Sam behind, or Magda. She's still wary of him, despite their long talks about what hell and heaven are and are not. </p><p>What it means to truly sin. What it means to be good. What it means to try, and keep trying, in the face of past failures.</p><p>She too young to have suffered so, and Castiel finds himself growing ever more protective of her as the days go by.</p><p>“It's just as well she's here.” Dean says, from his spot at the counter, preparing a meal for the three of them. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Castiel sits, and watches him cook. Dean's still troubled, but it's lighter than usual. For all Magda's closest to Sam, following him around like his shadow, he wonders if Dean feels protective of her to.</p><p>“Her social worker, Beth... we got to talking before we left, and...” Dean pauses to plate the food and gather his thoughts, then looks over at Castiel with a frown. “From the way she tells it? Well, bad as her mom is, there's a chance she could get her back, so.”</p><p>“The more I learn about your human laws, the less I understand them.”</p><p>“You and me both, buddy.” Stacking the plates on his arms, Dean heads towards the door. “Might be illegal, this kidnapping thing, but she's better off growing up a hunter than with her mom. And she makes Sammy happy. Like you, you know?”</p><p>He wonders if the two of them are going to talk about this, but Dean seems done with emotional talks for the moment.</p><p>Castiel waits until Dean's left to turn towards where he can sense Sam standing. He wonders what argument the brothers are building now, that has Sam hiding from Dean. Castiel can only hope the world doesn't end this time.</p><p>“Do you think he's right?” Sam finally asks, hands running through his hair again, fingers catching on strands and tugging. “Growing up a hunter – she'll have to be. I don't have my powers anymore but I can try and teach her control...”</p><p>“You feel guilt.”</p><p>“Shouldn't I? I mean, Cas, Mom said it best. This is no life for a kid, I <b>hated</b> it growing up; I ran away! So did Mom! And I'm just – I'm dragging an innocent kid into it?” Sam laughs, shakes his head, hair flying every which way. “What do I even know about control? I-”</p><p>Castiel stops him there, standing up and going to him. Takes his hands in his own before Sam can pull anymore hair out, leans up and kisses him.</p><p>“You'll do fine. We... we both will.” Castiel smiles sadly at that. “I've grown fond of her myself. ...Sam, you once told me we all make mistakes. But we have to keep going forward.”</p><p>“You're leaving, huh.”</p><p>“...Yes.” Castiel sighs. “Lucifer is still out there, and-”</p><p>“You don't have to explain Cas.” Sam leans down to kiss him this time. “Just... you'll come back, right? To both of us? ...I mean, all three of us.”</p><p>“I promise you, Sam Winchester, I will do my utmost to return to you and Magda unharmed.” Castiel steps back, smirking. “Maybe for Dean to.”</p><p>Sam laughs, rubbing a hand over his eyes. If Castiel can taste molecules of salt in the air, he keeps it to himself.</p><p>“Thanks Cas. Make sure to say goodbye to Magda before you leave.” With that, Sam claps him on the back, and leaves to go find his brother.</p><p>Castiel watches him go. He waits until there are no humans around, then whispers softly to himself. As close to prayer as he can get, to whom he does not know. God certainly isn't listening, and hasn't for years.</p><p>“Be safe... all of you, be safe...” Castiel doesn't know if he can take it if anything happens to these humans of his. They are plagued near constantly with strife, but please. Let them have this.</p><p>Just this.</p><p>Castiel wants to see what fatherhood looks like on Sam. He likes what he sees so far, and while part of him will always regret he wasn't able to offer this to Claire, Castiel is trying to focus on what he <b>can</b> do.</p><p>Sam needs him. Magda needs him, to. Castiel needs? To set the world right, so they'll both be safe.</p><p>He has work to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I imagine season 12 goes much the same way, except Mick dies sooner because he has proof Magda isn't a monster, and as for Jack? He gets a cool big sis, and Sam knows a liiiittle more about being a Dad but uh. Not much.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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